"Your Pants Are Like My Pants": How Not to Make Friends With Dharma & Greg
A couple of weeks ago, somebody asked me about making friends, and it made me think of this episode of Dharma & Greg.
Do you remember Dharma & Greg? It was a moderately successful sitcom that ran from 1997-2002. It was produced by Chuck Lorre, who now does The Big Bang Theory.
And I wonder if people would be calling it the "two aspies in love show" if it was on today. It about a hippie and a straight-laced lawyer who fell in love and got married the day they met, held together by a mysterious bond.
What if that bond was autism?
Seriously-- the episode starts with Dharma talking to her dogs, then Greg comes in, thinking he will look cool in a pair of pants he bought ten years ago. When their only friends leave them with an extra pair of tickets, they end up going to an Aerosmtih concert with Greg's parents.
How Not to Make Friends, Rule #1: You will almost certainly fail at making friends if you get desperate about it.
Greg becomes obsessed with making new friends because he worries about who their children (which they do not) will have no one to play with and will grow up to be "sad, lonely people who talk to themselves and don't take care of their yards properly."
Rule #2: People won't want to be friends with you if you suggest that they might have been sent by Satan.
So they invite one couple over for dinner, but, when Dharma learns that the man was studying to be a priest before he met his wife, she asks an inappropriate question: how did he know that she was not sent by Satan to test his faith? She also makes inappropriate compliments like "You could make an archbishop buy a lap dance."
So that ends poorly.
Rule #3: Don't talk to strangers about their pants.
They have a good idea-- going out to places where people similar to themselves might go-- but their inability to make small talk ruins that idea (see above).
Rule #4: Don't rely on your parents to make friends for you.
But stinky boy does have beautiful feet.
Rule #5: Don't rush things.
This is a big one, for real life. Those people you just met on the street may be extremely cool, but they are not your best friends. Not yet. Don't give gifts too soon. Don't tell people you've known less than a month that you love them.
Rule #6 Don't stalk people.
Don't follow people around to see what they are doing if they have told you that they cannot see you.
Rule #7: Don't expect your new friends to stop having old friends.
Everyone thinks Sheldon is so stereotypical and anti-social, but that flowchart's not looking so bad now, is it?