Good answer, Adrian-- but that wasn't the question.

I agree with the approach that this Australian YouTube sex advisor takes to this question from a man with Asperger's syndrome, but completely disagree with the advice she gives.  He wants to be a relationship with a woman who will sexually dominate him but does not know how to find one because of his difficulty reading social cues.  She thinks that once he deals with some of the Asperger's syndrome, he may not want to be dominated anymore.  I think that's nonsense.

The approach she takes of bringing in someone with Aspergers to help with the question makes sense. The advice Adrian gives for developing social skills in general is perfectly good, but not to the point.  This man did not write and ask for beginner's tips on how to learn social cues as an aspie-- he's in his forties. I'm bothered that rather than helping this guy figure out how to get into the dom-sub relationship he wants, Mistress M and Adrian both assume that there is something wrong with him because of his Aspergers that he is trying to compensate for in his desire to be dominated sexually.  So they ignore the question in favor of general purpose social skills advice.

I recently attended a discussion group for people who are in master-slave relationships. The most surprising thing to me was how many people there seemed to be on the spectrum.  But then I thought about it and realized that there are actually many advantages to a power-imbalance relationship for someone with autism.  One way, for example, to deal with how difficult it can be to be touched is to tie your partner up.  Many of us enjoy intense sensations, like being paddled or even beaten. 

And BDSM relationships have very specific rules. These can make sexual contact much more predictable and easier to handle for people with autism.  People who pursue them also have to be comfortable with their bodies and objective about sexuality in a way that can be very helpful for people with ASD.  It's clear: you're a dom, a sub, or a switch.  You both explicitly agree to activities.  You're allowed to stop things if they get too intense.

I'm not suggesting dom-sub relationships as a way of dealing with autism.  I'm saying that they are a legitimate option for those of us who want them. The best source I know for learning about kinky sexual activity is Dan Savage's Savage Love.  If you want to learn about the difference between fantasy and reality-- actually, if you want good, pragmatic advice about sexuality, start there.